23 Survival Tips for Taking Your ASD Kid to a Birthday Party

The conventional wisdom is that kids on the spectrum do not like loud or startling noises. Now, my son is within this range, unless he's the one making the noise. Big, busy parties tend to bring out the animal in him, so I compiled my list of survival tips for taking a kid on the spectrum to a birthday party. Here they are:

1. Abandon all sense of control over what happens to you.
2. No, really. Abandon it. I'll wait.
3. Still waiting.
4. Dress your child. Do not select a conversation starter, since he does not want to talk to these people.
5. Avoid giving him the impression that it may be time to go soon, unless it really is.
6. Tell him it's time to go.
7. Follow him out the door, whether or not you are finished dressing and/or have the birthday gift.
8. Go to the birthday party.
9. Immediately declare that the cake is off-limits for touching.
10. As are balloons for popping.
11. And presents.
12. And anyone else who does not want their stuff rifled through.
13. Stake out a place in the corner for budding meltdowns.
14. Watch as he politely declines to take any food but frosting.
15. Eat the cupcake he mauled, because you don't want to be the jerk who throws a full cupcake in the trash.
16. Take him outside to run around before cake time.
17. Bring him back inside.
18. Keep him far away from the cake.
19. No, that's not far enough.
20. See, he got a fingerful of frosting.
21. OK, that's better.
22. Put him on your shoulders while they sing "Happy Birthday" and blow out the candles.
23. Watch while your ASD kid patently refuses any cake, but eats all of the frosting off of yours.

And there you have it! A simple 23 tips to making parties easier to survive when you have a kid on the spectrum. It's not always a piece of cake. Bourbon helps.